When Pastors Fail to Correct Their Relatives in the Church

Have you ever experienced a situation at an assembly where the pastor refuses to genuinely correct a carnal individual because they’re related? For instance, Carol & I were part of a ministry years ago where a pathological liar ran around the church gossiping & slandering, yet was tolerated because she was related to the pastor and favored. It goes without saying that this caused constant problems in that fellowship.

I call this the “Eli Syndrome” based on the biblical account of Eli, the priest of Shiloh, and his tolerance of his wicked sons, who served (themselves) at the Tabernacle. Accounts like this are chronicled in the Old Testament as warnings to us so that we don’t commit the same folly (1 Corinthians 10:11). Let’s read the account:

¹²Eli’s sons were scoundrels; they had no regard for the LORD. ¹³Now it was the practice of the priests that, whenever any of the people offered a sacrifice, the priest’s servant would come with a three-pronged fork in his hand while the meat was being boiled ¹⁴and would plunge the fork into the pan or kettle or caldron or pot. Whatever the fork brought up the priest would take for himself. This is how they treated all the Israelites who came to Shiloh. ¹⁵But even before the fat was burned, the priest’s servant would come and say to the person who was sacrificing, “Give the priest some meat to roast; he won’t accept boiled meat from you, but only raw.”

¹⁶If the person said to him, “Let the fat be burned first, and then take whatever you want,” the servant would answer, “No, hand it over now; if you don’t, I’ll take it by force.”

¹⁷This sin of the young men was very great in the LORD’s sight, for they were treating the LORD’s offering with contempt…

²²Now Eli, who was very old, heard about everything his sons were doing to all Israel and how they slept with the women who served at the entrance to the tent of meeting. ²³So he said to them, “Why do you do such things? I hear from all the people about these wicked deeds of yours. ²⁴No, my sons; the report I hear spreading among the LORD’s people is not good. ²⁵If one person sins against another, God may mediate for the offender; but if anyone sins against the LORD, who will intercede for them?” His sons, however, did not listen to their father’s rebuke, for it was the LORD’s will to put them to death.*

1 Samuel 2:12-17, 22-25

* Don’t stumble over the peculiar phrasing of the second part of verse 25. The punishment of Eli’s sons was due to their own rebellion. Writers in the Old Testament simply categorized events as falling under the LORD’s sovereign control, even disobedience.

Eli’s two sons were “in the ministry” but are described as wicked men who had no regard for the LORD and even fornicated with the young women who served at the Tabernacle (verses 12, 17 & 22)! Although Eli rebuked his beloved offspring at one point it’s clear that his heart wasn’t in it, so to speak, and the sons continued in their wicked ways without consequence (verses 22-25).

How do we explain this? Eli loved his sons, as any parent, but he foolishly only loved them with soft, gentle love. This was a huge mistake and ultimately resulted in God’s judgment, which entailed the premature death of both sons, as well as the capture of the Ark of the Covenant, Eli’s own death, the death of his daughter-in-law and the departure of God’s anointing from Eli’s direct bloodline. You can read this in 1 Samuel 4:11 and 4:18-22.

As far as the departure of God’s anointing goes, Eli’s orphaned grandson was given the name Ichabod, which means “no glory” or “the glory has departed” (1 Samuel 4:21). This shows that God’s glory will depart from any ministry that allows the Eli Syndrome! Needless to say, if you are a minister and don’t want God’s anointing to leave your ministry, do not permit the Eli Syndrome!

This tragedy could have been avoided if only Eli would’ve been willing to love his sons with the necessary tough love, which would involve more than just a half-hearted verbal correction. It would mean a stern public rebuke and removal from the ministry altogether until they humbly repented and proved themselves. Loving his sons solely with gentle love resulted in their deaths whereas implementing tough love would have saved them.

Are you getting this? Tough love would have literally saved their lives, not to mention Eli’s ministry. It goes without saying that tough love is sometimes necessary. It’s a good thing, not bad.

Interestingly, Eli’s protégé, Samuel, also fell prey to the “Eli Syndrome”: He foolishly appointed his two ungodly sons as judges in Israel in his old age (1 Samuel 8:1-5). Why didn’t he seek out two godly people to serve as Israel’s leaders? Because the Eli Syndrome causes otherwise God-fearing ministers to turn a blind eye to the glaring sins of their kin.

You’ll occasionally see evidence of this Eli Syndrome in today’s churches. A pastor will grant status to some undeserving kin, usually children, grandchildren or siblings, which doesn’t necessarily have to be an official position. The pastor will then tend to condone the relatives’ carnal actions, making excuses for them, etc. As long as you get along with these relatives you’ll have the pastor’s favor, but if you dare take a stand against any fleshliness you’ll be blacklisted one way or another and eventually forced to leave.

Like Eli, the pastor may offer a weak verbal correction for appearances’ sake while the relatives continue to wreak havoc, overtly or covertly. There’s only one sad end to the Eli Syndrome: The corruption of the ministry as sin works like yeast through the dough of the fellowship and the inevitable departure of God’s presence and anointing (1 Corinthians 5:6-8). If only the pastor would implement tough love!

What Was Wrong With Taking RAW Meat Rather Than BOILED Meat?

For those interested, I wanted to include an explanation of the curious transgression of Eli’s sons chronicled in 1 Samuel 2:12-15. Eli’s sons, Hophni and Phinehas, were subordinate priests at the Tabernacle in Shiloh and they committed three violations of the Law in this situation:

They took what was not theirs. The priests were due the breast and a thigh of each fellowship offering, as observed in Leviticus 7:34 & 10:14-15, but Eli’s sons took for themselves whatever a huge 3-pronged fork would collect from the boiling pot.
They took for themselves before they gave the LORD his portion — before the fat was burned on the altar (Leviticus 7:25 & 7:31).
They demanded raw meat so that they could roast it slowly rather than boiling it quickly as the sacrificial law prescribed. By doing so, they mocked the LORD’s instructions at the first Passover to cook and eat food quickly before escaping Egypt (Exodus 12:11).

Eli’s sons were not only depriving God’s people of their portions of the peace offerings, worse, they were depriving the LORD of his portion of the sacrifices.

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