Beauty, Objectification and Lust

The Bible plainly acknowledges the beauty or handsomeness of certain people on several occasions. For instance, the following verses reveal that Sarai (aka Sarah), Rebekah, Rachel and Esther were women of exceptional beauty:

When Abram came to Egypt, the Egyptians saw that Sarai was a very beautiful woman.

Genesis 12:14

Before he had finished praying, Rebekah came out with her jar on her shoulder. She was the daughter of Bethuel son of Milkah, who was the wife of Abraham’s brother Nahor. ¹⁶The woman was very beautiful, a virgin; no man had ever slept with her. She went down to the spring, filled her jar and came up again.

Genesis 24:15-16

When the men of that place asked him about his wife, he said, “She is my sister,” because he was afraid to say, “She is my wife.” He thought, “The men of this place might kill me on account of Rebekah, because she is beautiful.”

Genesis 26:7

Leah had weak eyes, but Rachel had a lovely figure and was beautiful.

Genesis 29:17

Mordecai had a cousin named Hadassah, whom he had brought up because she had neither father nor mother. This young woman, who was also known as Esther, had a lovely figure and was beautiful. Mordecai had taken her as his own daughter when her father and mother died.

Esther 2:7

And here are a few passages that reveal how Joseph, Saul and David were exceptionally good-looking men:

So Potiphar left everything he had in Joseph’s care; with Joseph in charge, he did not concern himself with anything except the food he ate.

Now Joseph was well-built and handsome, ⁷and after a while his master’s wife took notice of Joseph and said, “Come to bed with me!”

Genesis 39:6-7

Kish had a son named Saul, as handsome a young man as could be found anywhere in Israel, and he was a head taller than anyone else.

1 Samuel 9:2

So he sent for him [David] and had him brought in. He was glowing with health and had a fine appearance and handsome features. Then the LORD said, “Rise and anoint him; this is the one.”

1 Samuel 16:12

Appreciating Beauty vs. Objectifying a Person

The Bible offers an interesting lesson on objectification in this account of king Xerxes of Persia and his queen, Vashti:

On the seventh day, when King Xerxes was in high spirits from wine, he commanded the seven eunuchs who served him—Mehuman, Biztha, Harbona, Bigtha, Abagtha, Zethar and Karkas— ¹¹to bring before him Queen Vashti, wearing her royal crown, in order to display her beauty to the people and nobles, for she was lovely to look at. ¹²But when the attendants delivered the king’s command, Queen Vashti refused to come. Then the king became furious and burned with anger.

Esther 1:10-12

Basically, Xerxes wanted to “show off” his wife to all the partying elites at his banquet because she was extraordinarily beautiful, but Vashti was so repulsed by the idea of being objectified by her husband’s drunken guests she was willing to risk her queen-ship and be deposed, which is what happened. (This of course paved the way for Esther, a secret Hebrew, to become queen of Persia — Esther 2:17).

To disobey a direct order from the king in that culture was unthinkable, but Vashti obviously couldn’t betray her own dignity — i.e. violate her conscience — to be ogled by a bunch of drunken men, especially considering the possibility that she was to appear before them wearing only her crown, which is what some Hebrew historians maintain. This account is contrasted by Salome’s willingness to dance at King Herod’s banquet but, then, she didn’t do it nude and she & her mother had an ulterior motive (Mark 6:17-28).

What can we get from Vashti’s impressive refusal to give-in to her husband’s ignoble request at great cost? While it’s nice to be sincerely noticed or complimented now and then, being objectified is a different story. It reduces the person to a piece of meat and the Bible emphasizes that this is a worldly perspective rather than spiritual (2 Corinthians 5:16).

‘What About “Beauty Is in the Eye of the Beholder”?’

Obviously there is such a thing as exceptional good-looks, but beauty is also subjective. For instance, an Aborigine living in the bush might likely find a beauty contest winner in the USA or Europe unappealing and understandably so. What makes his idea of beauty less valid than a judge at a beauty contest in Western Civilization? Every person is like that Aborigine: The only beauty that matters to the individual is what he or she finds beautiful, not what some judge at a beauty contest or magazine editor insists is beautiful. Hence, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

So beauty is both subjective and objective. It is subjective in that people are unique individuals who don’t find the same things attractive; they each have their own opinions and preferences on what is beautiful or handsome. However, beauty is also objective in that some people are simply better looking than others, as noted in the scriptures cited above.

Are there examples of subjective beauty in the Bible? Yes. The male protagonist in the Song of Songs refers to his beloved like so:

Like a lily among thorns

is my darling among the young women.

Song of Songs 2:2

You are altogether beautiful, my darling;

there is no flaw in you.

Song of Songs 4:7

⁸Sixty queens there may be,

and eighty concubines,

and virgins beyond number;

⁹but my dove, my perfect one, is unique,

Song of Songs 6:8-9

He speaks of his beloved’s beauty as if she blows away all other women on Earth, even to the point of having “no flaw” and being his “perfect one.” Is this factually true or merely his subjective perspective looking through the lens of passionate romantic love? Obviously the latter since even the most beautiful women in this fallen world have flaws.

The woman in the story speaks of her man in a similar idealized fashion, e.g. Song of Songs 5:10-16.

While both ‘lover’ and ‘beloved’ in the Song of Songs may have been exceptional in one way or another, neither were the most attractive, flawless male or female on Earth. As such, these verses reflect the idea of subjective beauty.

‘What About Inner Beauty?’

What good is outer beauty without inner beauty to balance it out? If anything, inner beauty is more important and very much so. After all, what benefit would it be to marry a gorgeous Hollywood starlet or stud who has a roaming eye and the marriage lasts a short time due to inevitable unfaithfulness?

This explains why Peter, inspired by the Holy Spirit, encouraged female believers to not focus on “outward adornment” and all that goes with it, but rather on the true attractiveness of “your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight” (1 Peter 1:3-4). He wasn’t saying female believers can’t wear attractive clothing, just that their focus should be on the true beauty that stems from a spiritual heart. This is what attracted me to Carol, my wife, when I first met her. Of course I found her physically attractive, but she didn’t dress like a courtesan and didn’t need to. It was her gentle, quiet, godly spirit that shined like the midday sun and captured my attention. Here’s a photo of us on our wedding day in 1995:

By “gentle” and “quiet” I don’t mean Carol was a shy pushover, I mean she wasn’t an obnoxious loudmouth, like odious LIEberals and their opinionated falsities & slander. There’s a pleasantness to a gentle, quiet spirit that doesn’t constantly bloviate and isn’t rash with jumping to conclusions. At the same time Carol has no qualms about wisely holding me accountable to the Word of God; and I do the same with her, which is a form of tough love. This kind of love doesn’t fail to correct others when necessary.

But the Scriptures don’t just encourage women to be gentle and quiet as each are positive attributes for both men and women. Paul said to all the believers at Philippi: “Let your gentleness be evident to all” (Philippians 4:5). Meanwhile James said “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (James 1:19). And the book of Proverbs says “The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered” (Proverbs 17:27).

In other words, the Scriptures exhort both men and women to not be loathsome loudmouths. Yet this doesn’t mean there isn’t a time & place for righteous reprimand and Holy Ghost-inspired preaching.

Appreciating Beauty vs. Lusting

Since the Bible clearly acknowledges physical beauty or handsomeness in human beings and God created this beauty, there’s a place for appreciating it, whether being awed by it or simply admiring it. There’s nothing wrong with this. As it is written, “To the pure, all things are pure” (Titus 1:15).

However, the Bible condemns lust for anyone outside the covenant of holy matrimony, which is preoccupation in thought or deed with sexual desire and has to do with the aforementioned objectification. Even for your wife or husband, your desire for her/him should be greater than one-dimensional lust or the marriage won’t likely last. Christ said, “I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28). This explains why righteous Job made an agreement with his eyes to not look at a woman lustfully (Job 31:1).

But what is the dividing line between appreciating beauty and sexual lust? Here’s a parable to illustrate the difference: You’re walking down the sidewalk and come across a bed of flowers wherein you naturally relish their colorful beauty and fragrance; you may stop for a moment, but you continue on your way because you have a schedule and other things to do. Besides, the flowers aren’t yours. Then someone else walks down the sidewalk and sees the same beautiful bed of flowers, but he dives into it wildly pulling them out by the roots so he can take them home with him. I think it’s obvious which one of these is reasonable, acceptable behavior and which is not.

If that’s not clear enough, here’s a more blunt way to distinguish falling into lust: If your thoughts about a person inspire you to run to a secluded room to masturbate, it’s obviously lust. The answer to this kind of problem is learning to control your thoughts, as well as learning to walk in the spirit. God said to Cain: “sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it” (Genesis 4:7). This is a matter between the individual and the LORD.

All men and women are unique with different strengths/weaknesses and each one is going to have to determine in their relationship with God what the dividing line is between appreciating beauty and lust. It’s a part of “working out your salvation with fear and trembling” (Philippians 2:12).

Let me close with this relevant story filled with insights:

Several years ago I was part of a men’s group that would read Christian books on male-oriented issues and regularly meet for discussion and fellowship. In one of the books the author went to extreme lengths to protect himself from his lust problem. For instance, before reading a newspaper or magazine he’d cut out any ads or pictures that featured a fetching female, especially scantily-clad ones like underwear or bathing suit ads. In addition, if he were out in public he’d never look at a comely female for more than a passing glance (approximately 0.187 seconds) and would refuse to view TV shows or movies that showed women in alluring apparel. Etcetera. These were rules that this man came up with in order to walk free of lust and serve the Lord with a clear conscience. There’s nothing wrong with these rules if a man has issues with lust, usually due to an exceptional sex drive. Such a man observes such rules for the sake of personal holiness, which is pure religion in God’s eyes (James 1:27). These rules are akin to the alcoholic who must stay away from any environment that includes alcoholic beverages in order to walk in victory. But not all men have such a weakness to lust, nor do all people struggle with alcohol like the severe alcoholic.

To be expected, this subject provoked a lively discussion at the group. A couple of the men, both married, admitted that they needed to go to such extremes to walk free of lust, while some others felt the rules were so radical that it was the next thing to requiring women to wear robes and veils in public, like in some Islamic countries.

This was the perfect occasion for us to practice Paul’s instructions in Romans 14: The men who felt it necessary to adhere to these rigid rules should not look down on those who didn’t and vice versa. As Paul instructed, “Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand… Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind” (Romans 14:4-5).

Such rules are fine if you require them to keep a clean conscience before God, but be careful that religious pride doesn’t seep-in and you start judging and condemning other genuine believers who don’t require these rules. Otherwise you’ll be infected by legalism, which is a path of spiritual darkness and death even though it wraps itself in the garnishment of respectable religiosity.

Carol & I attended one assembly where the pastor had a history of alcohol-related problems before he came to the Lord and, consequently, was hell-bent against anything having to do with alcohol. Not only was drinking a sip of alcohol a sin — to him — it was also a sin to dine at an establishment that served alcohol, like Red Lobster. In fact, it was wrong to shop at a store that sold alcohol, like Walmart! Do you see the problem here? Because he had a weakness toward alcohol he developed an extreme view on the subject and tried to impose his personal rules of holiness on everyone else, including the vast majority who had no need of such radical rules.